Stephanie's News - Press Room

In the United States, business is commonly conducted over meals, but as the host, you should clarify the objective of the meeting when extending the invitation so that everyone will know what to expect. If the objective is to have fun and get to know each other or to welcome a new member to your team, let them know. If it is purely business, give them an idea of the agenda so they can be prepared to participate.

1. Use quality stationery, and your best penmanship.
2. Mention the gift specifically, and how you plan to enjoy it (not “Thank you for the gift.”)
3. If you received a gift card or cash, mention the amount of money and how you plan to spend it for something special. (Thank you so much for the $50 gift – I’ve been saving for new skis, and your gift put me over the top.)
4. It’s always best to get the cards out as soon as possible, but definitely within a month after the holidays; however, even if several more weeks have passed, it’s better late than never Send the card anyway.
5. How about thank-you notes for parties and dinners? A definite “yes,” especially if you were an overnight guest. 

• Always RSVP – you don’t want your nametag to be the only one left on the table at the end of the evening!
• If you are unsure about what to wear, call ahead. Most events held during the business day require your best business dress, but evening events can be more formal.
• It is inappropriate to bring a guest unless you are invited to do so; in fact, to ask if it is okay to bring someone is also considered impolite.
• If you’ve been known to have a grumbling stomach, have a bite to eat before attending evening functions, especially if you plan to indulge in alcoholic beverages.
• If the function is being held in someone’s home, bring a host/hostess gift such as a box of candy, gift basket of coffee or fruit, or bottle of wine (if you know they appreciate wine). Cut flowers are not always appreciated, as your host will have to stop greeting people to arrange them.
• Mix and mingle with everyone; remember, these events are held to develop relationships. Take the opportunity to speak to someone new from your office.
• Your host will invite you to sit, dine, help yourself to drinks, etc. Don’t proceed until they do so.
• If you are the host, your responsibility is to greet people at the door, then introduce them to someone else. It is not necessary for you to “go around the room” repeating the entire group’s name every time someone new comes in.
• A written thank-you note is always appreciated!

1. Sound travels. Keep your voice down and talk into your “backbar” or partition in your space, not out into an open area.
    
   
2. When you approach someone’s office space, announce yourself. A simple, “Hello, Jack” will do. Stand at the “virtual door” until invited to enter.


3. Ask the person if they have a minute to talk to you or whether they would like to schedule an appointment. Do not sit down unless you are offered a chair. My clients frequently complain to me about people who come into their office, plop down and chat about personal business – all without being invited. How do they ask them to leave without hurting their feelings?


4. Don’t look over someone’s shoulder when they are working on the computer. Likewise, do not listen to telephone conversations – step back.


5. It’s not a good idea to begin business conversations in the rest room or in public hallways!


6. Jokes are inappropriate in the workplace. Please do not interpret laughter as an acceptance of a joke. In etiquette, it is considered rude to make others feel uncomfortable; thus, you will not be told if your joke is offending or hurting someone.


7. People generally do not want to hear details about illness or disease, personal relationships, pregnancy, child rearing, etc., in the workplace. Again, they may not tell you, but wouldn’t it be nice to talk about something else?


8. And what is the most mentioned pet peeve?  Perfume and cologne. Simply, save the scents for personal enjoyment, away from the workplace.
   

1. Bring a host/hostess gift when you arrive such as a bottle of wine, basket of snack goodies, or flower arrangement (not fresh cut flowers – save your host from stopping to arrange flowers when you arrive).


2. Do not bring a pet unless you are invited to do so; even asking if it is “okay” to bring your pet puts your host in an uncomfortable situation.   Likewise, please do not bring additional friends or ask if they can come, unless you are encouraged to do so.


3. Be mindful of your surroundings, including your room or area in which you sleep (make your bed and keep your bathroom tidy and clean). If you are sleeping in a common area, ask your host where they would like you to keep the bedding and your personal effects, and keep your clothing folded neatly and placed out of site.


4. Offer to help with tasks, but not to the point of being annoying!  Some hosts like to prepare meals on their own, and don't enjoy sharing their kitchen, while others do. Your job is to offer, then respect their wishes.


5. Be agreeable! Often those who are hosting you have given great thought as to the schedule of meals, etc., and if you can go along with the plan, it will keep things running smoothly.


6. Relax completely by deciding together to leave work talk at the office – out of your conversations. Once this decision is made, you can get to know your friends in a new light, away from work.   Enjoy!


7. Leave a thank-you note or gift in your room -- your hosts will appreciate the extra thought.  It could be something you purchase while out shopping or sightseeing with them, something they admired along the way.

1. Welcome everyone with a warm handshake and smile.
2. Listen with undivided attention.
3. Introduce everyone, and acknowledge latecomers.
4. Speak at a pace everyone is comfortable with.
5. Don’t interrupt.
6. Stay focused, and follow the agenda.
7. If topics get off-course, suggest an “offline” discussion or later meeting.
8. Call people by name.
9. Enthusiastically acknowledge and write down any suggestions or comments.
10. Thank everyone.

Our dogs may love us anyway, but your coworkers may not appreciate our misuse of words.  How do we improve our grammar?  By reading, listening and writing.  It might feel like homework, but it can be an exciting journey.Picking up the works of great authors helps with creativity, and listening to great speakers opens up a whole new world when it comes to delivery – if we are paying attention.  A good beginning.  For me, the best exercise is to write and then write it again with help from of a variety of reference books.  I also keep a list of words that tend to be confusing – or confused!  Here’s a few to get your list going.  Test these at your next staff meeting or at the family dinner table, and see what you discover:

Among or between? Choose among when you are choosing between more than two options, between when it is two.

Farther or further? Chose farther when you are talking about physical distance that can be measured, such as miles; use further when it is something that cannot be measured, like further study.

Fewer or less? Use fewer when items can be counted, such as people; use ess when items cannot be counted, such as water.

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The Kind Mind: Have you ever wondered why you have been passed over for promotions or special projects?  April 2004
If you’ve ever felt left out and wondered why, it might be time to rethink the way you approach others. It’s true that people prefer to work with those people they like, which makes us wonder – “do people enjoy working with me?”

It all boils down to common courtesy.  In any kind of business dealings, business doesn’t make deals, people do, and that means building long-term business relationships. It starts with the basics of business etiquette – a warm, welcoming smile; a hearty, meaningful handshake; making others feel valued, comfortable, and at ease no matter what the surroundings.

In this column we will observe ways to build successful relationships, on the job and off (no more hiding behind the produce counter to avoid your boss at the local grocery store). I call it “the kind mind” attitude. People will find it a joy to be around you. How?

When you have a “kind mind,” you put people first. By assuming the best and expecting the best from others, you are more likely to get the best – from yourself and from others – by treating everyone with the same level of respect and courtesy.

A leader with a kind mind at work exhibits a seemingly effortless sense of grace and style.  He or she understands how to honor other people by introducing them correctly, toasting at the appropriate times, or choosing an appropriate hostess gift.  Unfortunately, in our culture these basic elements of the social graces are often overlooked.  A mispronounced name, inappropriate language or conversation, or overlooked RSVP are all culprits in our fast-paced world,  leaving hurt feelings and bungled business deals in their wake. The irony is that the offending parties often never know the real reason behind the resulting “cold shoulder,” as that would be a breach of etiquette rule No. 1 – “never embarrass anyone!”

The kind mind is a way of life, a realization that when the priority is placed on people, the results are always positive, internally and externally in any organization. 

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The Perfect Everyday Gift; February, 2005
With Valentine’s Day on the horizon, gift giving comes to mind yet again. “Be My Valentine” cards and gifts can either represent fond memories or childhood nightmares as the holiday was sometimes celebrated in the classroom.   Interestingly, the people who remember these holidays most are those who were left out, not those who were most celebrated.

As adults, Valentine’s Day is a personal holiday usually spent with loved ones privately.  At the risk of sounding like a holiday grump, my recommendation is to leave Valentine’s Day at home; it really has no place in an office environment. From misinterpreted messages to singling people out, the holiday simply does not lend itself to a work setting.

If you would truly like to honor those in the workplace, I recommend a daily gift – yes, every day -- the gift of greeting people and calling them by name.  It sounds so simple, yet is so ignored.  In my work, I have had clients mention that instead of the obligatory holiday gift, they would much rather have their supervisors or managers greet them with a smile every day, thank them for a job well done, and call them by name.

One office manager responded to this by telling me that the people from her staff were from 11 different countries and she had so much difficulty pronouncing their names that she opted not to call them by name at all!  I simply asked her how this would make her feel – to have her employer presumably not care enough to learn to pronounce her name, and immediately she understood.  To her credit, within a week she had memorized each person’s name, met with each of them and apologized.  Months later, the office atmosphere had changed dramatically. The call I received from her about this remains one of my most gratifying moments.

The simple gift of a name.  For those of you with a special someone, please don’t try this at home for Valentine’s Day !